#A man can walk proudly down in the street
#A man's not ashamed of what he believes
# He knows how to laugh He knows when to cry
# He knows how to live
# He's not afraid to die
# What is a man? What is a man? #
(PRESSES BUTTON)
Haven't you youngsters heard of a racing dismount, then?!
- I hope you've washed your hands. - Oh! (CHUCKLES)
You have got a drink, haven't you?
Chastity's been handling the provision of alcohol with an almost religious zeal.
What you saying about me, Uncle Irwin?
That you're representing the student's well-known scholastic priorities
with great gusto, Chastity, that is all.
- CHASTITY: Go on. Have another one. - IRWIN: Oh, I couldn't.
I've broken my nail. They look all right, don't they?
Yes, Gloria. For weeds, very nice!
- Oh, they're not, are they? - Mmm.
I said to Len I was no good at this gardening thing.
He'd have to get used to it looking a bit more Jurassic Park.
Sorry I'm late, everyone! My bikini line ran over!
- All right, Uncle Irwin? - Hello, my lovely.
- Ooh, they look nice! Mum! - How are you, love?
- CHARITY: Mum, you seen the Sellotape? - It's in the drawer.
- Fine, you know. A bit tired. - No, I've looked there.
- Is it something for your dad? - Yeah. You wanna see?
Oh, yeah.
It's all about sports cars, right from the year he was born up to the present day.
It's got some brilliant photos. I had to send away for it, specialist dealer.
He'll love that.
- Hope so. - Oh, he will.
Oi, quick, quick! He's here!
- WOMEN: Happy birthday! - Oh, my God! (LAUGHS)
You made it, all of you! And you!
- Happy Birthday. - Happy Birthday, Dad.
Many happy returns.
- And another one. - You're not to look!
- (ALL CHEER) - Oh, my God!
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God! Oh, Gloria!
- Ow! Ooh. - Hey, are you all right?
I'm fine. I'm fine. It's just training. You know, the weights.
IRWIN: You're no spring chicken, Leonard. Another year on the clock.
- You should be careful. - Uncle Irwin.
Thanks for coming.
I love birthday parties, Leonard.
- Dad? - Look at this...
- Dad! - What's that?
Yeah, I couldn't find any Sellotape. It's for you.
But you've already given me a present.
I know. I wanted to keep this back. It's extra.
- Oh, well, that's... Carl! - Hiya!
It's Carl!
GLORIA: Carl, you look exhausted. What's wrong?
FAITH: What you been up to?
He's been burning the candle at both ends, hasn't he?
They all do it at his age. Think they're invincible.
No, it's me dad. He's had a fall. Hospital called us. I've been up half the night.
- Oh, love! - Carl, sorry.
- Is he all right? - Oh, yeah, yeah, you know.
They said he'd be out tomorrow. It was more of a tumble than a fall.
You know Archie. Probably trying to fly!
- Anyway, Dad... - It's weird, though, Len.
He put me down as next of kin, my dad did, so they knew where to call me.
- Well, you are his next of kin. - Yeah, but only through birth.
I thought he'd put Popeye down, or Frankie Dow.
You know, one of his drinking mates.
- It just goes to show. - Come on and relax!
- I'm fine. - Yeah, I know, but it's still a shock.
Cheers, Len.
GLORIA: You need to eat. We all do. Hey, gather round.
Charity, get some napkins, will you?
- CARL: Happy birthday. Sorry for being... - LEN: Thank you.
- GLORIA: Plate. - LEN: Got any glasses, Irwin?
(THEY ALL CHAT AND LAUGH)
(GIGGLING OUTSIDE)
- Flat as a pancake. - What?
Nothing.
Don't they ever sleep?
- The girls? - Well, yeah! Have you seen the time?
- He's not gonna go, is he? - What?
- Carl. See his dad. - No chance.
Well, doesn't it bother you?
Gloria, it doesn't matter how I feel about it.
Carl doesn't want to know. That's how he deals with it - he doesn't.
I think something's gotta be done.
- The clock's ticking, Len, clearly. - You're wasting your time, Gloria.
You saw how he was today. They haven't said a word to each other in years.
All the more reason to help them get over their differences now,
before it's too late.
He needs talking to, Len. Straight talking.
Maybe.
If anyone's been a father figure to him, it's you.
Give us a drag, then.
- Where've you been? - Detention.
What in God's name is that?
Foot scraper - that's what it is.
My Dad will love it. He's always in the garden.
Mum complains when he comes in with his wellies on, so he put in an order.
- He gets involved, then, with all this? - Yeah. Why?
No... no reason.
It's just... my dad, when I told him I wanted to do metalwork, he went berserk!
"You'll do Latin! You'll do Latin!
"Spot welding's for Neanderthals. Concentrate on the classics!"
- What does he say now, then? - Nothing.
He don't say nothing.
Hey!
Gorgeous. Over here!
Carl? Carl!
- Gloria, what are you doing here? - I've come to see Archie.
I'm taking him home. I didn't think you'd...
- I wasn't sure... - I haven't been in yet.
I had some things to do. I was just about to. Haven't they got ambulances?
Well, yeah, only... I thought he might prefer a friendly face, that's all.
Oh, yeah, he will.
- Are you coming in with me, then? - In the hospital?
Yeah. You can nip round the flat with me and all.
- Help me get him up the steps. - Good idea. What, now?
- What is it, Carl? - (SIGHS)
I don't like hospitals, Gloria. To tell you the truth, I hate them.
They make me go all funny.
I've been here an hour and a half trying to gee myself up, but...
Carl, you should've said something straightaway.
- Here, you wait here, I'll get him. - Magic.
Cheers, Gloria. Thanks a lot.
Mum, I'm back! Dad?
Here he is, all ready and waiting.
- All right, Dad? - Yeah.
Come on, then.
- Right, I'm gonna go now, yeah? - Hmm?
I said, I'm gonna go.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Do you need anything?
No. Nurse will come and change the dressing. It's ulcerated.
I don't wanna know that, do I? Do you want another cuppa?
No. I wouldn't mind a...
You can't drink with them pills.
- I've gotta go, cos Gloria's outside. - Righto, son.
- Catch you later, yeah? - Yeah.
You know, your mum would be pleased if she could see you here,
looking after your old dad.
No, she wouldn't. She'd rather I was bouncing you off the walls
till you was black and blue.
No charity, that woman.
I'll see you later, yeah?
(CD PLAYER CLICKS)
(#TOOTS AND THE MAYTALS: Funky Kingston)
# Everybody, give it to me... oh!
# Hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey... #
- I like this one! - Christ, Charity!
I listened to it a lot when you were inside.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Oh, Gloria, all right? - Yeah... Yeah, I am.
- I've just taken Archie home. - Oh, nice one.
One good turn deserves another. I'm taking you dancing.
- What? - Well, you know, like we used to.
- Get dolled up, cut the rug. - I know a few good clubs, Dad.
Charity, the kind of places you go to... (STOPS MUSIC)
...glancing contact with the ice cubes, you've got hepatitis!
No, your mum and me, we prefer something a little more classy.
- We're not going anywhere, Len. - Why not?
Carl's waiting for you in the shed. I said you needed a private word with him.
You know, the word you promised me last night you'd be having.
- Gloria, I know what he's like. - He was at the hospital this afternoon!
- No. - See?
He hadn't gone in, but he was there.
You won't get a better chance than this to speak to him, Len.
All right, I'll give it a try.
(# LOU REED: Vicious ON STEREO)
Are you OK, Len?
Well, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
Er, Carl, um...
Well... I might as well get straight to it, you know. I mean, um...
- Cheers, mate. - This, um...
chat I need to have with you - well, talk...
It's about me dad, yeah?
- You want us to be friends or something? - Well... yeah.
Why should I, Len?
He ain't exactly been beating down my door, has he, the last few years?
Why should I do all the running?
I can see that, Carl. But I mean, you know, um...
You know, um, make the first move today and it will seem...
You know, surely you can...
And, look, he's not getting any younger, is he?
And... I mean, there may come a time when, um...
Archie...
- Do you want another? - Yeah, cheers.
- Plenty more where that came from. - Thanks, Len.
LEN: Je ne regrette... rien.
Who?
Regrets, Carl. Terrible things. Best not to have 'em.
- I don't. - No, but you might.
That's where I'm going.
If something happened to your dad, and you'd left things unsaid...
I know there's been occasions when he didn't...
He got a bit punchy in the past, I know, but...
You know... even so, in a way, I mean,
it meant that we got to spend more time together, didn't it?
I mean, me and you and the girls,
holidays in Cornwall, trips to Brighton.
I mean, we had a good old laugh on the back of it all, didn't we, really, eh?
But that... that's history. That's the way you've gotta look at it.
What we're actually dealing with here is...
an old man who... maybe hasn't got too much time left
and who needs the support of his son.
A son who, well, I feel, deep down...
is ready... for reconciliation.
It's funny that, Len, you saying that...
cos... you know what?
Last night, when I picked that phone up and it was the hospital
and they said there'd been an accident
and my dad had fallen over and, you know, the only thing I could think of...
was I hope he's broke his bleedin' neck.
That the sort of thing you mean, Len, by a reconciliation?
- Oh! - Agh!
- Wahey! Easy, tiger! - What are you?
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. - Are you all right, Len?
- You look a bit pale. - I'm fine.
- Brilliant night, eh? - Yeah.
- Bit of a livener, lunch time? Carry on? - Great!
- Hi. - Are you done in there?
Yeah.
No, uh... wait!
CARL: Oh! What's going on?
What was I thinking?! I only live here!
Yeah, well, I mean, he's gotta have a wash, hasn't he?
CARL: Hey-hey!
GLORIA: Well, he's bound to be a bit prickly, isn't he, after all this time.
I mean, the fact you were talking at all has got to be a good sign.
LEN: I wouldn't go as far as that.
Well, what about tonight? Dancing?
Seeing as how we had to cancel... you know, yesterday.
- What, tonight? - Don't you fancy it?
Well, yeah, but... are you sure you're up to it?
What do you mean?
- Len! - What?
You can hardly hold your head up straight. You're hung over.
Hung over? Me? Gloria! My God!
You're looking at the man who can down six pints of black and tan,
a fish-and-chip supper, and still do the Big Dipper at Margate!
- That was a few years ago, Len. - I haven't changed.
Anyway, I went a bit easy on him last night.
I knew he was emotional, and I thought there was a danger
that he might try and keep up with me, you know, so...
Well, I kept one foot on the brake all night.
- Yeah, all right... tonight. - Yeah? Now, that's more like it!
And we'll see if you can still remember
that funny little wiggle you used to do with your hips.
Hey?
Cheers, Len. Thanks for letting us stay.
I'm not going on until you sort out the heating!
Jasmine...
Jasmine!
She won't go on... lap dancing.
- CARL: Why not? - Reckons it's too cold.
Bloody hell, if she moved around a bit...
I told her, only thing going stiff when she's on is her joints!
(CARL LAUGHS)
Here, incidentally, Carl...
sorry to hear about your dad.
- How is he? - He's fine.
Out of hospital already. Thanks for asking.
- What's that? - Vodka.
Bloke in Stourbridge gets it me.
- I thought Nark was sorting you out? - Well, yeah, normally.
Only I'm thinking of going into the wholesale business.
Offies, restaurants...
What this geezer can get hold of is unbelievable.
But, Mickey, you want to be careful. Nark's a nasty piece of work.
- If he found out... - He ain't going to find out.
Because all my contraband will be hidden.
By you.
Me? Why me?
(AMERICAN ACCENT) "Because a man has to do what a man has to do, Joey,
"for himself and for those he calls family."
What?
Shane. I'm Alan Ladd, you're Brandon de Wilde.
The young Brandon, whom Alan has come to regard as something... like a son.
You see?
That's what we are, Carl...
like a father... and a son.
- Yeah... I suppose we are, yeah. - Exactly.
And the success of the hooky wines and spirits, that's not just about me -
it's about us...
the Wild Western nuclear family, Carl.
A dad... and his lad.
All right?
Everything all right, son?
Yeah, everything's fine, Dad.
(DOOR CLOSES)
- There you go. - Two visits in three days.
- We are honoured! - Yeah.
Oh, don't be like that, Len. They'll stop coming.
It's all right, Mum. I know what it is.
He wants to get the old John Travolta outfit on, and we're holding him up.
- Charity, come along. It's getting cold! - FAITH: Are you having some?
Yeah, half a glass. You should try it, you know, pregnancy.
- Makes you cut out all your vices. - I haven't got any, Hope.
My boobs down to my knees - that'd be it!
- All right, love? I'd given up on you. - Yeah, sorry, I was doing something.
Couldn't find a box in the end.
- FAITH: What is it? - CHARITY: It's for Dad.
- What, more? - It's nothing to do with your birthday.
- It's just... - (DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, hang on. I'll get it.
- GLORIA: There you go. - FAITH: Thanks, Mum.
Yeah, coming!
GLORIA: Help yourself. I'll just do this for Dolores.
She's not gonna eat the veg, is she? Here you are, darling.
- LEN: It's Carl! - GLORIA: Oh, hi!
- CARL: Oh, sorry, everyone! - LEN: No, it's all right.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- How you doing? - Gloria, he's been to see his dad again.
Oh, Carl, well done!
I told Len that chat you had would get the ball rolling!
Well, this is it, Gloria. This is it.
It suddenly hit me, Len - everything you said,
straight between the eyes, you know.
I mean, you was right, everything you said.
You know, for my sake as much as his...
Cos, er... all the rowing we did, well, you know, that was years ago,
and who's to say,
you know, why he got bevved up and acted like a lunatic?
You don't know, do you? It's not the behaviour of a happy man, is it?
- No, it's not, Carl. It's not. - It's not. Right.
So, you made me realise that, and get on with the reconciling as advised.
Well, Carl, that is... I mean, that is really good news.
Innit just? Innit just? Yeah. Right, well...
Now you know, I'll be on me way. I'll let you...
No, don't go, Carl! Come on, have some food!
- Gloria? - Yeah. Yes!
Are you sure?
Really, Gloria? You've got enough?
- HOPE: Come here. - LEN: Have we got a glass?
- LEN: Another glass. - GLORIA: There you go, Carl...
- Are you sure it's OK? - Yes, of course it is!
- GLORIA: Is leg all right, Carl? - Yeah, lovely.
LEN: He loves a bit of leg!
(LAUGHTER)
- LEN: Lovely. - GLORIA: Help yourself to veg. All right?
- GLORIA: Charity, here's the veg. - LEN: Hey, you know what?
- CARL: Can you pass the veg? - LEN: Do you know what it's like?
I just thought... This is like the old days, isn't it?
- GLORIA: Yeah. - CARL: Yeah.
Do you remember that time we went to Porthcawl
and they reckoned there was a shark in the bay?
- LEN: Oh. (CHUCKLES) - CARL: Oh, my God, yeah!
HOPE: He must have been wearing thermals in that water!
LEN: It was freezing!
Was that the same time that, um... was it Chastity dug that hole in the sand
and put a deckchair over it?
GLORIA: That poor woman - she'd just had her hip done!
- LEN: Yeah! - CARL: Do you remember that, Charity?
You came running over and you goes,
"Chastity's dug this hole for a wheelchair but the woman's still in it!"
- (LAUGHTER) - CARL: Do you remember? You come up...
Dunno. Sure I was on that one?
Course you were, you daft thing. You were only about five, though.
- CARL: She was older than that. - OTHERS: No.
CARL: Really?
CHARITY: You're getting them confused, Carl. Been on that many, haven't you?
CARL: Mmm, I have, yeah. Yeah.
Oh... but my favourite, I have to say...
- Norfolk Broads! - Norfolk Broads, yeah!
CARL: Do you remember that?
(ALL FALL SILENT)
Sorry. Slipped.
Anyway, Dad...
It's a fire poker. I made it in metalwork.
Oh, that is gorgeous, Charity!
- CARL: That's amazing, isn't it? - FAITH: It is, isn't it?
- FAITH: Did you do that twisty stuff? - Yeah.
- FAITH: That's brilliant, isn't it, Dad? - LEN: It's lovely.
It is. It's lovely.
Just a shame we haven't got a real fire!
- (LAUGHTER) - HOPE: Here. You don't do gates, do you?
I'm sorry you don't like it!
No, I didn't say that. I didn't...
Charity! I mean... Charity, I never said I...
Ch...
I never said I...
- I didn't say I didn't like it. - It was just a joke, weren't it?
FAITH: She'll be all right. Dad, come and sit down. She'll be all right.
- HOPE: Leave her, Dad. - FAITH: Really.
Come on! Your food's getting cold.
- All right. - This is lovely, Gloria.
- It is, Mum. It's lovely. - GLORIA: Shall I go and get her?
- No! - No, leave her. She's all right.
- LEN: Gloria! - What?
- LEN: I've got a grey hair. - No, you haven't, you've got lovely hair.
No, not up there... down here!
Len, I'm really not that interested!
Yeah, but, Gloria, a grey pubic hair!
That's... one step removed from a Bath chair and a commode, isn't it?
Don't be silly! Be a rogue one, anyway...
Long as you don't start looking like Charles Aznavour down there,
you'll be fine.
# She-e-e may be the one... #
- Have you woken Carl up? - Yeah, he's dressed.
- He's just having some breakfast. - Good.
- Len... - Yeah?
- Go easy on Charity, eh? - What do you mean?
I just think you're a bit robust with her sometimes, that's all. She's just a kid.
She likes it. She's not like the others, Glor. She likes to spar.
I know, but you can be gentle with her too.
If she was bothered, she'd say something.
- Oh, Glor. What about tonight? - Eh?
Well, we can't get stymied three nights running, surely!
Dancing? You're not still on with that!
- Why not? I want to. - Len, I'm tired. It's midweek.
Midweek, nothing. That is a state of mind, Gloria.
You and me are going down the Palais this evening - no arguments.
Well, there is one, actually, Len.
When?
Last year.
There was a small protest.
Yeah, but... the Palais!
- We really should be going, Leonard. - Yeah, yeah...
One minute, Uncle Irwin.
I lost my virginity here, you know.
There. Just there. There was this... like a cafe.
It had a storeroom full of milkshake sachets and packets of JPS.
Ever the romantic, Leonard.
It was.
- All things come to pass. - Yeah, but... the Palais? Surely...
I mean, that's my...
Not the Palais!
Come on.
Ernest, thank you. Sublime, as ever.
- We done, then? - Leonard, what's the matter?
- Nothing, nothing at all. - Leonard?
Oh... this and that, you know...
I just feel a bit out of sorts, that's all.
Plus, there's... stuff at home.
It isn't right, Uncle Irwin. I mean, the way everything's tilted.
I mean, God should've... He should've shared stuff around a bit better,
so that when you're fit and strong, that's when all the rubbish gets dumped on you,
when you're resilient enough to cope with it.
Then, by the same token, when you're in your dotage,
exhausted and assailed by doubt,
that's when you should be granted a stomach like a washboard
and the ability to make love all night.
I mean, it stands to reason, doesn't it?
Oh, come on.
Leonard, actually, I wouldn't mind five minutes with Steven.
We've got time now.
- Sorry, Uncle Irwin. I forgot. - It's all right.
My Steven... was 17 when he died, you know.
Yeah.
Young. The thing is, Leonard, he was forever taking the mick out of me.
Always called me Granddad,
right from when he was about 13 - miserable little sod!
I remember saying to him once,
"Steven, this youthful exuberance you keep ramming down my throat,
"don't imagine for a minute it's the sole domain of callow youth,
"because we all hit that certain point in our lives, just before our 20s,
"and how... how we feel then, what we resolve about ourselves and the universe,
"well... well, that's us for the rest of our lives.
"I mean, no matter how much we change on the outside..."
Cos, well, that's how I've always felt, Leonard,
like I was, um, 19, still on the simmer...
- And you? - Well, no, er...
No, the problem is, as we get older,
the packet gets a bit dog-eared, a bit frayed around the edges,
and that confuses us.
We start to envy our more up-to-date versions...
But the fact is, our inside age...
well, that's... that's the same as ever.
My Steven never got old enough to...
to appreciate the wisdom of his ancient dad's words.
No, you've just, er...
...you've just got to remind yourself
of your inside age every once in a while, Leonard.
- How exactly do you do that, Uncle Irwin? - Watch and learn.
Every time I come up here, I say to the little so-and-so,
"Granddad, am I?" And then...
(IRWIN CLAPS HANDS)
(IRWIN GRUNTS)
- Ha! - Irwin!
And another! Oh!
Irwin... Uncle Irwin!
Are you all right?
Ah... never... never better, Leonard!
Four - equals my record.
Disgraceful, isn't it?
Dad?
Mum?
Anyone home?
Leonard, any chance of you getting in for half an hour after tea?
I wouldn't ask, only I want to bleed the master cylinder on the hearse
and I can't do it on my own.
- Yeah, I could. - What?
- Well, it's... About seven-ish? - Yeah.
I was looking to have a chance of a chat with Charity.
Ah, the stuff at home?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
(# MARC BOLAN: Jewel)
# Well, I got a little babe With jewels upon her lip
# Well, I got a little babe... #
The thing is, Leonard,
children always sense when something's up long before the parent.
Yeah, I know. I don't think it's anything major.
It's a communication breakdown, that's all. I'll get it sorted.
# Oh, oh...
# She bathes in thunder The elves are under her
# She walks the wind and has a panther with silver fur... #
MAN: All in one!
MAN: Hey-y-y!
# Her thoughts are gold Her eyes electric blue... #
(MEN WOLF-WHISTLE)
Is it my imagination, or is it hot in here?
- Len, it's sweltering. - Mickey, you wanna open a few windows.
Prop open that doo...
Charity!
- Hiya, Dad. - What the?
Hello, Oy.
All right, Charity? Sensible gear for the conditions!
What the bloody 'ell do you think you're playing at?
Sorry, Dad?
- Walking about dressed like that! - What do you mean?
Mickey, give us that coat! Mickey!
- Put this on. - What are you doing?
Put it on!
- No! - Charity, you look like a bloody tramp!
What?
- I look like a what? - Tramp.
But I'm one of your precious daughters, Dad. How could I?
- IRWIN: Leonard... - What?
We did say seven for the hearse,
after you'd done that thing - you know, the smoothing over thing.
Yes.
- I'm sorry. - What?
I'm sorry. I'm not... I've not seen, you know... seen...
Of course you've got to express yourself through your clothes.
Yeah, it stands to reason.
Afghan coats and patchouli oil - I mean, they weren't to everybody's taste...
Dad!
- What do you want? You want a drink? - No, I don't. I want...
OY: Mickey, what's with the walk-through sauna, then?
It's Jasmine.
Some nonsense about employer's liability and the European courts. I don't know.
Anyway, don't you worry - soon as she's done, I'm switching the lot off again.
- A stripper? Down here? You hypocrite! - Charity, I was not stopping. I was...
You have a go at me for looking like a tart, and then...
- (MEN CHEER, WHISTLE) - Carl!
- Carl, come here! - Carl. Of course.
Charity, you look nice!
- Carl, I want you to take Charity out. - What?
Yeah, away from here.
(MEN CHEER)
- MICKEY: Charity, do you want a drink? - CHARITY: Cheers, Mickey.
D'you think you should encourage her, Mickey? Think of your licence!
- I ain't got one, Len. Cashews? - Thanks.
Carl, here take this...
- What's that for? - It's a bonus.
Here. Have a Chinese, paint the town red. Both of you.
- Dad! - Yeah, go on. You deserve it.
After all the hassles you've been through lately. Come on. Give yourself a treat.
- Oh, right. Roger, yeah! Understood. - Good.
- So, um... - Go on!
Yeah, all right, whatever you say.
So, er, do... do you fancy something to eat, Charity? Um...
Incidentally, Len, what time do you want us to come back?
Whenever. Within reason. It's up to you. You're in charge.
Yeah. So, what do you say?
Fancy that? What do you say... Charity?
Do you, er, fancy something to eat, Charity?
Yeah... all right. Why not?
(BANGING)
- ARCHIE: What's going on? - Shut up!
- I got nothing - I'm skint! - Shut it!
- Don't hurt me! - (BANGING)
- What's he doing? - I told you to shut up!
It's down here, Nark - it's gotta be.
- Where's the keys? - What key? I don't...
I only go out of here to go to the toilet. I sleep here - look!
Kick it in!
What's all this about, eh? What you doing?
Here, you can't do that!
You bastards! This is my bloody house!
Behave yourself!
Come on, old man! Come on! Come on, old man!
- Who do you think you are? - Come on!
This is my house! Get out of my house, you little shit!
- Come on! - You little shit!
Get out of my house!
- (ARCHIE GRUNTS) - Do you want some? Do ya?
Get off of me, you... bastard!
(ARCHIE GROANS)
Can I get another one of these, please?
- Carl, they cost a fortune. - Don't matter,
does it? It's your dad that's paying, Charity.
It was funny, you know, earlier, watching the two of you.
You have, like, a shorthand when you're discussing things -
It's as if you can read each others' minds, you're that close.
Cos we spend so much time together, I suppose.
- Especially lately. - Yeah. He's been brilliant.
You know what?
I reckon he regards you as the son he never had.
I really do!
- Honest? - I do, yeah!
The way he thinks about you all the time. The concern.
The support. Like he's your dad.
- I think the world of him too, you know? - I know you do.
- He's crazy, though, ain't he, sometimes? - Yeah!
I mean, all this with the clothes - what's that about?
I mean... you didn't think they were provocative, did you?
Did you?
You said so.
I mean...
they're just clothes.
Yeah, that's right.
That's what I thought.
- Same again, is it? - No, not for me, Oy. Thanks.
I'm on me way.
Well, I shan't be cylinder bleeding now, so...
See you in the morning, Uncle Irwin.
I wanna make sure I'm up when she gets home. Talk properly.
- Good. - (PHONE RINGS)
Sir Robert Peel.
Hey, Len - hang on.
Right.
Yeah, OK, well, we'll get onto it.
- LEN: What is it? - It's Archie.
(LAUGHTER)
- You silly sod! - I never knew, did I?
I thought you was supposed...
Here, mate, lob us your bucket. Well, go on.
You ain't going to have to go out for a week now! It's the least you can do.
- Cheers! - (LAUGHS) Here you are...
- Whoa! - (LAUGHS)
- Here you are. Stick 'em in there. - Ta-da! (LAUGHS)
I didn't know, did I?
Eh? You deserve them.
Whoa! Steady!
- No, we mustn't. - Why?
I can't. Charity, you're... you're Len's daughter - I can't...
You know, everything we said, well...
Len respects me... I... I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
Ssh! I understand.
I'm sorry, I... I know how you two are.
One for all and all for one, eh?
Let's just forget it.
OK...
Good.
- CHARITY: Yeah! Come on! - (CARL PANTS)
- CARL: Jesus! Oh, Christ! Oh... - CHARITY: Yes!
- Oh! Oh! - Charity! Oh!
- Yes! Yes! Yes! - (CARL PANTS)
- Oh! Yes! - (CARL GRUNTS, MOANS)
Oh... Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. (SIGHS)
Oh, yes...
- How is he? - MAN: Excuse me!
- A neighbour rang - I'm a friend. - He ain't well. Just mind your feet.
- Did he have another fall? - Depends. Was he pushed last time?
MAN: A cab to Kilburn, please.
(INDISTINCT MESSAGE ON TAXI RADIO)
- You're not a relation? - No, friend. Well, acquaintance.
- Well, is there any immediate family? - Yeah, his son. I...
What's wrong with him?
I'm afraid I can't disclose that information.
Jesus Christ! I'm here, aren't I? He's a good friend.
He's had a bit of a bash, hasn't he? I know he took a tumble a couple of...
Actually, we think he may have suffered a stroke.
It's not always clear at this stage, but...
Is he going to die? Is that what you think?
He's quite poorly. If you could contact the son...
Yeah, I'll get him. I'll fetch him straight round.
Charity, listen. I don't want you to think, now...
you know, that we can't be friends, cos...
No, don't think that.
I mean, I do like you and...
I wouldn't have done it otherwise, only...
(DOOR CLOSES)
- We'll talk about it another time, eh? - OK.
- Don't forgot these, will you? - Oh, yeah, thanks.
- I'll see you around, yeah? - OK.
- Can I have me jacket back? - (DOOR OPENS)
Oh, thank Christ. Where the bloody hell have you been?
- CARL: It's not that late, is it? - Get in here - both of you.
- GLORIA: Your dad's not well. - CARL: Yeah, I know.
No, love, you, er... He's had another fall.
Only they reckon he might have had a stroke an' all this time.
Oh... I see.
- We can get straight round there. - OK. Do I have to go?
- Carl, he really is quite ill! - Yeah, I know. It's just...
Christ, Carl! What's the matter with you? Don't you care?
It ain't that. It's been a long night.
Carl, you should be bloody well ashamed of yourself! Never mind...
- What? - Not now.
Look at him. His old man is in hospital because he uses his flat as a warehouse
- and he doesn't give a sod! - What are you talking about?
I've been round there, Carl. I've seen what you've been up to.
What? How did?
Some of your competitors think you've been cramping their style,
so they decided to give you a bit of a frightener.
Only trouble is, Archie copped for it, not you!
You can talk about all that later. Let's just get round the hospital now, eh?
- I don't want to. - LEN: What?
I just said I don't want to.
- He's dying. - I'm not going!
He's had my best years. He ain't gonna have these and all!
- What are you saying? He's your dad! - Yeah? Well?
Carl!
Look, if he don't wanna go, he don't wanna go. You can't make him.
- This has nothing to do with you. - Yes, it has. I'm here!
- It's happening in front of me. - You know what I mean. Don't play games.
- I'm not. I'm just saying. - I've tried my best with you tonight.
- I swear it isn't easy! - I bet it ain't.
Right. Please, just go up to your room and let Carl and I sort this out.
Oh, that's right. God forbid I should come between you and the man in your life!
- What are you talking about? - I am your daughter, Dad!
And yet you behave like...
Christ! Carl, Carl, Carl! I'm sick to death of hearing that name!
Jesus, it's a wonder I never said "Carl" as my first word,
it was repeated that often when I was growing up.
Bloody hell, I saw more of him than I did my sisters when I was little.
- He had his problems, Charity, you know? - Stuff his problems! What about mine?
What about my dad dealing with my problems?
- Charity, this isn't the time. - It never is for me!
I was 13 the last time you went down. 13!
Just about to get to that interesting stage
and you disappeared off the face of the earth, Dad!
Even when I come to see you inside,
hoping I might get a few pointers on how to cope
with all this spinning and reeling that was happening to me,
all this growing up I was doing,
you didn't help me, take me to one side,
cos he was there.
You wanted to chat to him, didn't you? Talk to your Carl.
See how his life was panning out during them awkward years.
- Charity! - No! I'm talking!
You can listen to me the way you listen to him!
Cos it hasn't changed, has it, since you got out?
He's still your main concern!
He's still the one you give all your time and attention to.
Well, I've had enough of it. Do you understand me, Dad? Enough!
That is rubbish. That is...
I'm not even going to discuss it with you, Charity, not now.
Not while Carl's dad is lying...
Oh! You can't help it, can you?
You see? You just can't help it! He always comes first. Your Carl!
Len's Carl! Precious... perfect... lovely Carl.
Charity...
- Carl... - Charity...
...who shagged me halfway rigid this evening, across the top of a gravestone!
That Carl. Well, he ain't so perfect, is he?
Charity!
What are you talking about?
What's she talking about? Carl?
- Please? - You don't notice me, Dad!
- Gloria, will you do something? - Len, calm down.
- Dad, it's not about him. - Not now!
- Charity, you'd better go upstairs! - I'm not going anywhere!
And you should know it's not his fault.
- It was me. I made him! - Made him, nothing!
- You bastard! - GLORIA: Len!
- Len, listen, I... - I trusted you.
- I treated you like family. - Dad, I told...
Shut up!
Get out. I never, ever, wanna see your face again.
- Get out! - Len!
Bastard!
- Stop it! Stop it, for God's sake! - Dad!
(BOTH YELL)
GLORIA: Stop it! Stop it, for God's sake!
- (CARL YELLS) - CHARITY: Carl, leave him alone!
Carl, get off him! Get off him!
- (CARL PANTS) - (LEN COUGHS)
I've got 20 years on you, Len! You're old, I'm not!
You'd...
We made love, that's all! What's wrong with that?
Look at this!
Look what you made me do, you bastard!
I don't fight, Len! I get hit!
It's what I've always done!
You... That bastard... that pissed old bastard - he started it!
You...
I always get up, Len. I always...
No-one puts me down. No-one. Not you, not him - nobody!
You joke, I know you do, about me getting those beatings for Mickey,
putting up with him, but you... you...
Cos when I get hit, I think about him.
My dear old dad, thumping me or me mum.
And I can feel every punch, Len.
I feel it rock me brain and jerk me balls.
And I just carry on... with my life.
And I get up. And that's what I do, yeah?
No-one gets me down. No-one! You see?
Are you coming?
- I do like you, you know. - I know.
Yeah, good.
If ever I have kids, every day they're alive,
I'm gonna tell 'em how beautiful and how clever they are, you know?
That's all it takes.
You're beautiful... and you're clever.
And that's worth the world.
That's worth the world.
- CARL: All right, Len? - ARCHIE: Carl?
Carl?
Carl, son, I...
(COUGHS) Carl?
Is that you, son?
Carl, I... (COUGHS) I...
Carl... good boy...
Good lad.
I...
I... Carl...
Come give your dad...
Come give me a kiss, eh?
Good lad.
Good boy, Carl.
(MEDICAL EQUIPMENT BEEPS RAPIDLY)
- (LONG BEEP) - Nurse. Nurse!
Nurse!
- You OK? - Yeah.
I love you.
I know that.
Isn't it wonderful?
Yeah.
Who'd be young, eh?
That's why they call it growing pains.
(# SHIRLEY BASSEY: Light My Fire)
# You know that it would be untrue
# You know that I would be a liar
# If I was to say to you
# Boy, we couldn't get much higher
# Come on, baby, light my fire
# Try to set the night on fire... #
IRWIN: Oh! Five...
(PANTS)
...six...
and... uh...
# The time to hesitate is through... #
...seven!
# Try now, we can only lose
#And our love becomes a funeral pyre
# Come on, baby, light my fire
# Try to set the night on fire... #